I walked into English today to see a guest speaker in place of Ms. Allyn. I had forgotten that we were receiving a poetry lesson right when we returned from break and I initially reacted with much disappointment. Poetry makes me uncomfortable because at times I don’t understand it, and when I don’t understand it I just want to scream and cry and pull my hair out. I wish I were able to understand challenging material the first time around, and when I don’t I feel like giving up. (This is terrible, I know.)
So today after we listened for a little and heard some examples of poetry, we were asked to give it a go for ourselves. I am not much of a poet so I didn’t really like this exercise whatsoever. However, when we were simply instructed to write our memories, or some feelings we could recollect from these particular experiences, I didn’t feel so terrible after all. I surprisingly was able to write from the heart and pull some meaningful words out and string them together into what is supposedly a poem.
I don’t feel the most comfortable sharing aloud with the class, so I’ve decided to write them in my blog. Hopefully no one finds these too weird or emotional, but I honestly wrote my true feelings, which was an amazing feeling, because in poetry there never seems to be a wrong answer. I was pleasantly surprised by today’s lesson. 🙂
I remember when we said goodbye. It was a cloudy, cool, Sunday morning.
I remember your attire. The singular hooded sweatshirt you had yet to pack away with the rest of your things.
I remember the large gold “W” embroidered on the front, a saddening reminder that you were going away.
I remember boxes, meticulously placed in the back of the car, waiting to be carried to your new “home.”
I remember your smile.
You reassured me that we would be together again soon, (a lie that you yourself found difficult to swallow).
I remember the time.
I remember 9:17 AM.
You looked into my eyes, but your sadness and longing for one more day melted my heart.
I remember our walk out the door, across the porch, down the driveway.
I remember the final moments. These were the ones we always dreaded.
I trembled. I forced a smile.
I remember that smile erupting into tears.
I remember your sudden embrace. Even through its sincerity and comfort, it wasn’t enough to ease the pain.
Do you remember how we thought this day would never come?
With you in bloodlines, but my persona and my spirit you have crushed.
You always will support me, or so you say. But in times of my affairs, you must always have the final words.
Your mother is supposed to be your best friend. Fend for you, mend you, and be there until the end.
But I’m searching for someone who doesn’t care to be found.
I miss you.
My life’s decisions do not pertain to your wishes.
But instead of becoming who fishes for your affections,
I’d rather maintain my sense of self.